NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’ category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
im super bored, someone HELP!!!
trapped!!!!!!!
3 years, a child together, and I am still depressed. Been wanting to leave for so long because this is definately not what I want. But I have nowhere to turn. Its been going through my mind for a whole year and a half, should I stay, should I go? I dont know…I prolly would have been left if I actually had somewhere to go smh #freedomplz?
what holds people back from doing what they wanted to do for so long?
trying to figure out why i dont have a best friend lol
I have very little friends, I can count on my hand how many I actually fool with. But I am trying to figure out why I dont have a bestie =/
I remember watching that True Life show. and this girl went to the bar trying to make some friends. She was a mother, and a wife, and then later that night she got into an altercation with some man O_O.
Anyways off topic
Im quiet, somewhat shy. i guess thats why =/
shrugs
